The longer I’m alive, the more I get to know about human beings and all the funny and sometimes strange things we do to ourselves and others. I’m not talking about criminal actions or other deviant kind of stuff. That’s not what I’m about in any which way.
I’m talking about the way each of us has our own lens or view of seeing life. Of course, our perspectives and attitudes make a big difference in almost every pat of life. But what I find interesting is seeing some of those things that are right there in front of us that we often don’t even realize are there.
I’m not any world-class philosopher or anything like that, but when I chat with folks who are my age or older, it seems that too much of the conversation has to do with what has already happened. Now, I’m not against the past; what happened way back when, happened and is part of who we are as individuals. But, for heaven’s sake, what sense does it make to dwell on things and events that are already long gone?
I’ve given this quite a bit of thought and the more I have given it, the more I’m aware that spending time in yesterday is more common that I ever imagined. Living in the past is something that lots of folks do and, to my best estimate, they don’t even know that they’re doing it.
Pattern seeking is good…up to a point
Now, a little bit of that is understandable. Truth is, our minds are hardwired to learn. Part of that learning wiring is to see patterns in things like human behavior, animal behavior, situations and so forth. Seeking and finding patterns in things helps us to survive another day. Think about a child touching a hot stove and feeling pain immediately because of it. That child learns right then and there about the dangers of hot stoves.
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We tend to do the same with other people. When we get burned by someone we who we thought was a friend and was trustworthy, we learn to not give our trust and friendship so easily. Those lessons in dealing with people are helpful as well, aren’t they?
It’s good to learn from our mistakes, or what I prefer to call “experience,” otherwise we just get stuck in a rut falling for the same old tricks and traps every day. So that’s the good part about remembering the past; it provides us with valuable information about how people can be, what we should do in any given situation, and a whole lot of other information we can use to our benefit.
The downside of that is the danger of falling into a behavior rut, where our minds are no longer open to new experience. Too often, when we think we know what’s what in every situation and with every person, we make snap judgments about people and stop trying new things or seeing things in a new light.
When this happens, we become narrow-minded and cynical. Neither of these things are qualities that make me happy. I’m betting that they probably don’t make you too happy, either. But the more you’ve lived life, the easier it becomes to fall into that trap. Does this sound familiar?
Robbing yourself of today
See the problem is finding the balance between what you know and what you think know, and keeping an open mind and a positive attitude. This covers a lot of ground, I know, but it’s true.
Take away all the lessons of trust, for example. Even without that problem, I see folks looking back on their lives wishing that the did this or that, or didn’t do this or that, regretting lost opportunities or lost loves. Or even just spending time remembering when they were young and wishing it were so today.
Again, it’s fine to have good memories and acknowledge your victories and defeats once in a while, but it just ain’t healthy to think about that stuff today. Get it through your skull that yesterday, for good or bad, is gone and it ain’t never coming back. That’s the fact of the matter.
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Since that is undeniably true, why would anyone want to waste a second of the only time they have, which is today, on reliving the past? There’s no good there, only wasted time and thought. Here’s something to stick in the back of your mind: Today is your best day because it’s the only day you’ve got. That goes for everybody.
If you do this, whether it’s when you’re with your significant other, your kids or grandkids or whoever else, you’re missing the boat! Today is the best day of your life. Don’t rob yourself of it by spending it in the past, where you can’t do a darn thing about anything.
Robbing your family of yourself
When you spend your time talking about what was, what you did or who did what to you way back when, you miss out on today. But you know what else you miss out on? You miss spending time, today, with your family.
Think about it. How many family members want to hear about things that happened before they were born or have no experience with? Not many, I can tell you that.
Wouldn’t you rather spend your precious time learning about what your family is doing? What your kids are learning? What your friends are up to?
When you do that, you give yourself to your friends and family and they give themselves back to you. You grow and remain relevant in their lives. You also remain relevant to yourself. Your opinions and your insights won’t be valued if you’re stuck in the past. And don’t kid yourself, the people around you know if you are or not. You may not be so aware of it, but believe me, they are.
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Learn the lessons and move on
Again, don’t get the wrong idea, here. The past is our school of life. But once you’ve finished first grade, you’re ready for second grade, and onward we go. The whole point of the past is to learn from it and move forward.
But there is a kind of irony to the past that bears talking about here. In the big scheme of things, some folks say that “the past repeats itself, and those who forget it are doomed to repeat it.” I understand that and even agree with it to a certain extent.
But on the other hand, we’re too often “fighting the last war” instead of learning new ways of understanding. Basically, this means that we’ve taken the lessons of the past too much to heart so that it taints our ability to see things as they really are in a different time and circumstance. Again, the key here is balance. Learn the lessons that you need to learn from your experiences and move forward from there.
Blocking new ideas
The reason I say this is because if you don’t move forward in my mindset and attitude, what have you to look forward to? What reason is there for any optimism?
Say your doctor made a mistake in treating you. What do you take away from that? If you adopt the mindset or attitude that all doctors are bad, then you lose out on the benefit of new kinds of therapies that may help you. The more useful mindset is to realize that all doctors make mistakes and that some doctors are more skilled and conscientious than others, so it’s important to do your research and choose your doctor carefully.
This kind of think applies to all kinds of activities and situations. New knowledge is developed, sometimes old knowledge, like what David and Tanya bring you, is rediscovered and applied in new way and uses. It also applies to you personally: don’t let the past block you from seeing, enjoying and benefitting from new ideas. I don’t mean that you should be taking every new idea onboard. I just mean to let each idea or new situation speak for itself and then go from there.
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Don’t let the past dictate your future
When you take ideas on their merit, and not from an preconceived notions, you not only give each a fair assessment, but you also challenge yourself and your viewpoints and attitudes. Your mind is just like a muscle – it needs to be challenged to stay in shape and useful to you.
This doesn’t mean that you set aside your values and wisdom; far from it. What it does mean is you engage yourself in the present, in every aspect that is meaningful to you.
For example, the Internet has brought a whole new set of issues and advantages with it. So have smartphones and texting. Now, not everything about these new technologies is good. But you know what? I catch up with friends around the world and stay connected to my church through these very new technologies that I maynot have used if I had been more closed-minded.
That’s why you must not let the past experiences dictate what you can do – and can’t do. If you let that happen, you let the past dictate your future. You’re not thinking, at that point, you’re simply reacting. Take the new and make it yours on your terms. Don’t let your past fears or present discomfort stop you.
Don’t judge a person for the sins of another
Lastly, I want to bring this conversation back to the personal, human level. This goes back to some of my earlier topics in this space, but it is important to remember. We all have had people do bad things to us or treat us poorly at one time or another. It felt bad at the time, and may have even negatively affected our lives to great amount. I can’t speak for you on this matter, only for myself, and I have found that no matter what happened, or who did what to me, I cannot ever hold that person’s family members responsible.
You also can’t hold members of the same race or ethnicity responsible for what a person belonging to that group has done. One act does not justify the condemnation of the entire family, race or ethnic group. To do that is to shrink your mind and impoverish your soul. And again, such a mindset prevents you from enjoying an individual person for who he or she is, and not to pigeonhole them, not to pre-judge them based upon the past behaviors of other.
Nobody likes to be put into a box, and I’m betting that includes you. It certainly includes me. We are, to be completely honest about it, influenced by our pasts. We can’t help that fact and, to a certain extent, the past defines our perspectives. But we have to be careful not to be ruled by our pasts. We shouldn’t let it define how we look at every body and every thing. To do so leaves no room for the present in our lives and thoughts, does it?
Your best bet is to acknowledge the past, learn the lessons from it, and move on. That way, you allow yourself to enjoy today, too. When you think about it, after everything is said and done, today is truly the only day that you have any chance of making it how you want it to be.
